Why Nice Guys Finish Last

Yes, it’s true… the nice guy does indeed finish last.  I don’t know how many times I hear a friend complaining about how it’s always the ‘bad’ guys who win. How many times have I heard them wonder aloud as to whether there is any justice in the world as they shake their heads in disbelief when they see the ‘bad’ guy with the woman of their dreams.

The truth is, it’s not that the ‘bad’ guy wins. Admittedly, there are some ‘bad’ guys who do end up getting the woman, but the women these guys end up taking home are typically women who are insecure with themselves and therefor will allow themselves to be in poor relationships… So then, if it’s not the ‘bad’ guy who ends up with the woman, who does end up getting the ladies? Well we know that nice guys finish last, so it can’t be them. And it’s not the ‘bad’ guy.

Enter man number 3. The guy who ends up with all the ladies is the ‘good’ guy. This type of man should not be mistaken with the ‘nice’ guy. A lot of times, the nice guy and the good guy start out in the same place, however unlike the ‘good’ guy, the ‘nice’ guy has allowed his niceness to travel down the slippery slope transforming him into being a completely spineless person with zero personality!

You see, the nice guy attracts no one and is sometimes mistaken as a good guy but he is neither the good guy or the bad guy. He’s simply a mask worn by either one. When men wear this mask they become bland and forgettable. The nice guy is a mask that people put on when they begin to feel scared and insecure. The nice guy has no confidence, no game, and has completely lost his swagger. Desperation starts to ooze out of the nice guy… and as you may know from the other Dating Advice articles on this site and others, desperation is a game killer as women love a man who is confident.

The nice guys never disagrees with a girl; he’ll never challenge her or poke fun of her. He’ll begin to bend his own reality in accordance with hers in hopes of pleasing her, but really all he is doing is laying the ground work for failure. He’ll jump through every hoop and task given to him by her with out challenging her in return. He won’t cause any controversy at all because he’s so scared of saying or doing anything outside of his comfort zone and in return he’ll be perceived as nervous and lacking in any personality or excitement. Finally, the nice guy will avoid sexual escalation, even when given the right signals due to his extreme lack of confidence. I’ve seen women practically throw themselves at the nice guy and yet still the nice guy will avoid the advances at all cost.  The reason is because in the head of the nice guy, all things are going well and he doesn’t want to sabotage his chances for a future relationship, but little does he know that he indeed is killing any last chances he has with this woman.

Carefully study the photo on the right. Look at each face intently and with careful detail. Do you notice a difference in any of the faces? The answer is no! This is why nice guys finish last. The nice guy will always show the same outward emotions, no matter how he is truly feeling. The nice guy is overly anxious to be liked by the woman that he is pursuing and to gain her attention and favor. In the end, the woman is never sure how the nice guy feels… whether he’s really into her or if he’s sticking around because she’s given him some attention.

As mentioned above, the nice guy will pretty much never speak up for himself no matter how he is feeling. Something may bother him, but he won’t utter a word. He’ll never state his clear intentions, his desires, needs or expectations. It’s always the same with the nice guy guy. They just fear conflict because they’re afraid it’ll rock the boat and ruin the relationship.

Here’s a news flash though… you most likely never had a meaningful relationship with the woman you are pursuing anyway due to the fact that you stayed in the nice guy role.
 

If there’s one thing to take out of this, please remember the following dating advice: Nice is not about being good; it’s about being bland and forgettable.
You don’t have to be a jerk to win that beautiful lady over, however being a spineless twit that bends at every whim of the woman is not the way to go either. It’s all about going down the path in the middle – being a confident gentlemen who knows how to be nice, but isn’t afraid of a little controversy and excitement along the way.

 

Some dating tips and advice to make sure you are aware of so that you don’t fall into the nice guy zone:

1) Do not agree with everything she says! Have you ever heard of a woman refusing to sleep with a guy simple because they had a difference of opinion in movies or best holiday destination? I think not… remember, opposites attract, and it’s okay to have a difference of thought, especially on minor things.

2) Be aware of when she’s starting to make you jump through hoops. When this is happening, turn the tables around a bit, and have her do some things in return.  I mean do you really want to be with someone who is going to constantly boss you around and make you jump at command?

3) Avoid nervous laughter

4) Make sure she is laughing with you and not at you. Be aware when she’s laughing at you since ideally you want to be laughing together

5) Challenge her! Do not be afraid to challenge her whether it’s in a playful manner or an intellectual one

6) Don’t be afraid to poke fun of her and when you do, don’t start apologizing thousands of times after

7) Do not avoid sexual escalation.. when the time is right, make sure to act on it! Learn how to give a kiss that she’ll never forget!

Remember, heterosexual women are attracted to men who act like (wait for it…. wait for it)… MEN. As in the lyrics of Green Day on Why Nice Guys Finish Last:
“Oh nice guys finish last, when you are the outcast.
Don’t pat yourself on the back you might break your spine.”

You shouldn’t feel too bad though. As a nice guy, you don’t have to finish last. You have the some of the positive qualities to build your base to get the woman of your dreams. However, instead of just being that shoulder to cry on, or that nice friend she can talk to, be a man. If you’re interested in this woman, let her know that you want her and make sure to pursue. Don’t let fear stop you. Break the cycle… Be the good guy that she truly desires, the guy who has the confidence to be himself, not the nice guy who acts like a doormat, or the bad guy who acts like a complete douche bag.

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