Conversation Killer

So I received another e-mail today from a teen seeking dating advice. Here is the following e-mail:

I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year, and (from what I can tell), we are both still very committed to each other… well as much as any two eighteen year old teenagers can be. Anyway, there is one issue that we’ve had for a while..

My boyfriend can sometimes be a conversation killer. At times it isn’t really a problem and we can talk on the phone, online or in person for hours. However there are times where, especially in person, he doesn’t seem to be able to manage a conversation, about things big or small. This in turns makes me feel under pressure to break the silence which then leads to me sometimes saying stupid things in a desperate attempt to make sure there isn’t any silence. My boyfriend likes to go out and do things together which is fantastic but he doesn’t really seem to be aware that we don’t converse much while doing these activities.

Please any advice that you can give would be appreciated!

First it seems that your boyfriend is a bit more introverted than you are. He appears to be quiet and more content to be somewhat withdrawn while you seem much more talkative, extroverted and open.

Comfortable silence isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Plenty of people spend time around each other not talking and doing completely different things. Just the presence of their significant other is more than enough to make them happy. Just because you two aren’t talking doesn’t necessarily mean that he is boring.

If it’s really bothering you, why don’t you talk to him. Let him know that you feel like you’re the only one keeping up the conversation and that you would appreciate it if he pitched in a little more past ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers. Also have you noticed if there are particular conversation starters or topics that get him to open up more? Or he’s more open in certain situations? I think it’d help to be aware of those times, and also if you’re going to ask him questions, it’s much better to ask him open-ended questions, not questions where it’s easy to answer with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

It really does sound just like it’s in his nature though – which is probably going to be very difficult, if not impossible to change, but on the other hand I wouldn’t see it as him being bored of you or something negative is on his mind,As for when you’re out, he may feel that after dating for a little over a year he can tell when you’re having a good time or when you aren’t. You won’t know unless you talk to him about it.

For more teen dating advice, feel free to send an e-mail or post a comment with your question.

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