Sometimes we become so overloaded with information that we forget some of the most basic things we’ve learned. While a number of the points in the following list of do’s and don’ts may seem obvious, it doesn’t hurt to review them from time to time. For any points that may not be as familiar, perhaps they can offer a perspective that will help improve your dating experience.
Do:
1) Be a gentleman. Open doors. Ask her if she would like dessert. Call her in advance (not text the day of) to schedule a proper date.
2) Give compliments. She’s put work into being the best that she can be and wants to feel appreciated for her all her amazing qualities, mentally and physically.
3) Ask her what she’d like to do. She may want you to ultimately make the plans, but it’s courteous to show her you’re considering her desires and are open to suggestions.
4) Show your physical attraction. When done with consideration and moderation, flirting to show your attraction is a fun way to let her know you like what you see. It’s also a way to give her a confidence boost, which can benefit you in the long run.
5) Attempt to understand and appreciate her thoughts and experiences. Despite what certain media outlets might lead you to believe, females are human beings with valuable and interesting experiences. These experiences have contributed to the formation of their personal opinions. Sincere listening and empathizing with her may take you a long way.
6) Be prepared to pay. She may offer to split the bill or even take the whole thing later, but as a general rule, if you aren’t prepared to pick up the entire tab, you should ask her out. Women are typically not seduced by men who ask them for money.
7) Put her first. Women may not be as easy to please as most men, but if you keep the ladies happy, the ladies will keep you happy. You may find much reward is returned to you when you do your best to put her needs above yours.
8) Be kind to her friends. Her inner circle is a reflection of her. When you’re able to appreciate her friends, she feels accepted and more confident to involve you in different social aspects of her life.
Do Not:
1) Try so hard to be a gentleman that it makes things awkward. There’s no need to put your jacket over a puddle to keep her from getting her feet wet, or making her feel helpless by always offering to carry all of her things. Know the difference between genuine kindness and clumsy, attempted chivalry and try to practice organic courtesy.
2) Give compliments like, “Nice rack.” For the most part, women do not like being reduced to fleshy bits. If you must compliment her on her figure, a lady will better appreciate something like, “That jacket is tailored to you beautifully,” or “I love this feminine ensemble on you.”
3) Assume she likes what you do. She’s her own person, and she’ll quickly know if you’re worth staying with or not if you give her the sense you don’t expect her to have (or care if she has) her own preferences.
4) Show her your physical attraction by grabbing/smacking her body parts. We are not Neanderthals, but if you ever want her to behave like a cavewoman with you at some point in the future, you must first begin with civilized forms of communication and appreciation, like modern language and romance.
5) Criticize her and tell her she’s wrong. It’s unlikely that the two of you will agree on everything, but it’s common courtesy to respectfully take a different opinion. Try to appreciate the thought process she’s taken to forming her own opinions, and if her perspective becomes a fueled topic for you, try gently changing the direction of the conversation.
6) Ask her if she can financially contribute to the date. This should never feel obligatory to her. Unless you’re on a “friend date” or have agreed to “go Dutch” before, a quick way to lose the affections of a lady is to ask her out at her own expense.
7) Put her first so much that you become a pushover. Women like to know men are taking them into consideration and are looking out for their happiness, but if they feel like a man has entirely compromised his dignity to be a doormat at her feet, any hopes of respect and romance will surely be lost.
8) Like her friends so much that the two of you don’t maintain separate social circles. We all need things that are uniquely ours, including relationships, but trying to make all of her friends yours, too, will not only feel smothering and potentially controlling, but will create an unhealthy inability for the two of you to have necessary “away time” from each other.
By Valerie Baber
Valerie Baber is a sex and relationship expert, writer and cultural critic. Formerly a Playboy TV personality and sex journalist, her most recent work can be found in her contributions to The Huffington Post, as well as in her personal blogs, www.sexandjournalism.com and www.nomadinlove.com.
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